I’m not going out tonight.
We have an invitation. A party under the stars and next to a fire, filled with people we love. But I am tired. So I will stay in instead.
There was a time in my life for parties. For glittery dresses and flirty skirts. There were times for midnight makeouts and walks of no shame.
In the future, I know there will be times for babysitters. Times for celebrating my love of many years with a sweet kiss to mark one more shared ending and beginning. But that is not my time now.
My time now is getting a little three-year-old in bed waaaaay before midnight. My time is recovering from a lot of moving and a lot of moming. (I will be in bed not too far behind her.) My time is honoring where I am with no excuses and no regrets. This is not a giving up. It is simply a mark of the remarkable softening that has, surprisingly, come to define me.
Shift to soft
This shift to softness has caught me off guard. But like a true love, I knew it was right the first time I saw it.
The old me used to push to my limits in all things. And on New Year’s Eve, I used to crave these parties I never went to. I would come home at 2:00 a.m. a little disappointed that the night wasn’t the way I thought it would be. Isn’t that always the case with our expectations?
What I have learned is that listening to myself above anyone else’s expectations or wishes is the clearest path to my intuition. When I honor this sacred part of me, I not only feel better, I feel best.
Where I’ll be at midnight
Sleep is my elixir, and I’ve never valued it more than this point in my life. After two moves over an ocean in two years. After giving birth and being present every single day for my daughter. After turning 41 and realizing that I just don’t need to chase this sh*t anymore.
I don’t need parties with towers of champagne. I just need the rejuvenation of a sweet ritual of release and a cozy bed.
So I am not sorry to miss out. I am not sorry to not be under the stars and next to a fire. Perhaps I will join again when my little girl is older. Or when I have had more grounding in my life and can afford a cheat day. But that is not right now. I’m no longer in the business of resisting what is, so I will be in at midnight.
So happy New Year. May it be filled with kisses and sweetness. May you laugh and hug and just love every bit of one another. But I will be here. And I, too, will be happy.
If you’re ready to make your New Year’s unresolution to release busyness and step into a more intuitive life, join my upcoming online Women’s Intuition Circle, Freeing Time: Deprogramming Busyness, starting February 13.