(audio version below)
I never knew what protection meant until I became a mama.
I’d lived a pretty untethered life until I got pregnant at 37. Some might even call it selfish. I traveled where I wanted, when I wanted. I never questioned taking a 90-minute yoga class or blowing all my money on a lavish Tuesday night meal. I did what felt good, and never had to ask anyone else how they felt about it.
It’s fun to be selfish for a time, but only for a short time. It wasn’t until one day, holding my umbrella over my daughter while the freezing rain pelted my head, that I realized all I had been missing in that carefree life.
Great Mama/Great Papa
Though I came to my understanding of protection as a mother, I know that the divine father is also at work in this place.
Before you go running off thinking that these mother/father expressions come wearing pants or skirts – remember that the feminine and masculine are alive in each of us. Depending on who we are and what we are doing, we will draw more upon one or the other.
While the divine mother protects by softening us until we feel safe enough to open, the divine father stands in front of us when we are threatened. The divine feminine protects us from rigidity by creating space for non-linear, creative expression. The divine masculine contains us when we dissolve into chaos. She is strong, but looks inward. He is strong, but looks out.
The Immovable Good
If you’ve ever experienced a well-placed NO, whether from yourself or another, you’ve witnessed this divine protection at play. This is not a flippant no, the kind that withholds as a power grab, but the kind of NO that is an immovable force of good.
This is the kind of NO that keeps the world from falling apart.
When you hear it from someone else, its force pushes you back – even if the NO is a barely audible whisper. If you’ve ever found such a NO within you, you may remember how it begins: a lightning quick glance inward that leads you to a river so clear you can see all the way to the bottom. Immediately it happens – from a place deep among the smooth rocks, your NO jumps up into your hands.
This NO begins inward, then pushes outward, like life itself.
NO More
Far too often we confuse love with boundless permission. But as I have found in motherhood, a sacred NO is an act of love. Like every adult, children feel safe when they know where the walls are, how and when the barriers can move, and the path back when they’ve gone too far beyond them.
It turns out our greatest freedom is inside a flexible container.
Ayurveda knows this. The teachings of dinacharya, or daily routine, share this wisdom, as do the guidelines about eating for season, locale, and constitution. While the former protects us by keeping us from straying too far from nature’s daily rhythms, the latter offers the pearl that just because your vata aggravated body can eat strawberries in the middle of a snowstorm doesn’t mean you should.
We Are Each Other’s Keepers
When we find a good protector in human form, we are witnessing the divine mother/father in action. But, per our usual style, we tend to complicate things.
All of us need protection. Some of us accept it. If we reject protection and carry on the myth of independence, we lose something quite valuable.
See, we can’t gaze inward long enough to explore our yeses and NOs unless we know someone trustworthy is standing at the castle doors. Lacking such a guardian, we might not feel safe enough to disappear into our own private universe for very long. And those longer inward journeys are responsible for your ability to direct your life how you want, rather than simply responding.
A good human protector must first be willing. Because as they stand guard, they may have to take the blows that are coming for you. They don’t need to enjoy being beaten to bits, but rather they should want to give freely what you don’t have. Whether the offering is time, physical strength, wisdom, free hands, or money, true protection is service with no strings. Without that, you both risk an eventual mutiny.
Save Yourself
And still there is one more trap we have to be aware of when we accept protection from another person – the savior complex.
It’s tempting, isn’t it? You find someone trustworthy – a partner, a boss, a teacher – and feel the urge to lie back and let them do with you what they will. But a prudent protection agreement is responsive to the recipient’s needs first. That means the one receiving is actually leading. The power to set and modify limits rests with them. It is a big responsibility to be protected – don’t hand over the keys until you’ve shown them how to care for the vessel.
Saviors and Saints
It’s a sad truth – no one can save us. Even those who are foolishly willing to try on that cape will soon find they cannot fly. To step out of this game, remember my teacher’s teacher’s wise words: The best form of healing we can offer is to witness our inability to change another’s circumstances.
The only one who can save us is ourselves. But pulling on your bootstraps won’t work – the only lift you need is to turn toward the divine within you.
To help you in that process of communicating with your personal spiritual guardian, your personal deity, I’ll close with a prayer. Use it, share it, and make it your own:
A Prayer for Protection
When I feel alone, may I be brave enough to look inward and see that I am not.
When I feel hung out to dry, may I soften enough to see that I never was.
When I deny my hand to one in need, may I look outside of myself and see that I’m being called to divine service.
When I stand in protection of another, may my greatest feat be to listen so deeply that I know when it’s time to stand down.
