What if feeling what we feel is the greatest strength that exists?
Too often we uphold the ideal of strength as stoicism, sobriety, or indifference. We are taught that we are at our strongest when no appeal, whether from compassion or anger, can sway us.
But that’s not true strength, it’s a form of walking deadness.
Comfortably Numb
Deadness is the right word because emotions help us learn how to live.
Each of our feelings is a sign from our bodies pointing to what we find meaningful. By feeling our emotions we can find our yesses and nos, which can allow us to build our lives according to what we truly want.
But let’s be honest: It’s easy to feel our feelings when we are experiencing bliss, joy, ecstasy. But what happens when the emotions we don’t like – anger, jealousy, greed – show up at the door?
I invite you to play with the idea that these emotions – especially these – are a special kind of messenger.
Alchemizing Emotion
What if the challenge of negative emotions is not the feelings themselves, but our denial of their right to exist? And what if by allowing the negative feelings to exist, we can see the creative possibility beneath them?
In other words, what if we could spin the negative feelings that hound us into gold?
Below I’ve offered a journaling exercise to guide you into a journey of emotional alchemy. Plan to take about 10-20 minutes with this, which you can spread out over several days.
Journaling exercise: Rewriting the story of your negative emotions
- Begin by listing out 2-3 of the most common negative emotions you have experienced throughout your life. Next, list 2-3 of the most common negative emotions you have experienced in the past couple years. Are these different or similar? Write about what you notice.
- Working with one of the emotions on your list at a time, write in detail the physical sensations associated with each. Without going into the story about why these emotions show up or if they are good or bad, describe where their sensations appear in your body and how the sensations feel. Optional: notice if there is a movement or a sound that your body wants to make as a way to express that emotion.
- Now take a look at the list below that outlines some formulas to alchemize negative emotions. Use the list as a guide to rewrite the story of each of the emotions that you have named from the first two parts of this exercise. Ask yourself: what kind of creation is possible in the feelings you want to run from? What kind of necessary destruction is the emotion asking you to undertake? Write freely and allow yourself to be surprised. Optional: Do the action(s) listed beneath the negative emotions.
Jealousy points us to notice what we want.
Action: Make a list of your desires.Anger can lead to self-compassion (for times when you had no choice) or necessary destruction (setting boundaries).
Action: Turn toward the breath or release of tension through movement.Anxiety is a form of protection and signals how powerfully creative our minds are.
Action: Create something as an offering of gratitude to your mind – paint, color, cook, make music, etc.Depression is a NO, pulling us inward when we are out of alignment with the external.
Action: Check in with your body to see if it needs rest or movement.Inadequacy/imposter syndrome signals a need for self-validation and self-celebration.
Action: Celebrate yourself, make even minor accomplishments the cause for a party.Helplessness is a reminder to soften toward interdependence (yes, we inherently need one another).
Action: Ask for or offer help.Fear is an intuitive signal of real danger or a reminder of tender wounds.
Action: Return to a memory where you felt secure and loved. Breathe this memory deep into your bones.Grief is a reminder of your capacity for love.
Action: Turn to water – gaze at it, bathe in it, drink it. Allow it to mirror your grief.Guilt can lead to generosity, to yourself or others.
Action: Offer a random kind act.Overwhelm points to surrender.
Action: Pause, breathe, and rest.
