(audio version below)
I once had a conversation with a woman who had spent 15 years as a sex worker.
She was the one whom men came to when they could not go to anyone else. You may not think of it like this, but she called her profession therapy.
I could have asked her many things — because she knows men better than I ever will — but what I asked her was this: Why are men so afraid of a woman’s power?
Yes, yes, yes, I know — not all men. But if the vast majority of men aren’t afraid of a woman’s agency, why is it rare for a man to prioritize a woman’s voice and her lived experience?
From Her Lips
The retired sex worker had a stunning answer. She replied that men are afraid because a woman’s power is massive, wild, and insatiable. I think we can all agree that men like to know the size of things.
I’ve noticed a certain massive, wild, and insatiable awakening amongst women in recent years. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t know what I’m talking about. What started as your grandmother’s dissatisfaction has blown up into your daughter’s holy rage. Though it may be terrifying to witness, just know that when that holy rage is expressed in the right context, a woman can witness her power to create, sustain, and destroy.
And what do we see when we step into our power? The world that men have owned for so many thousands of years is in dire need of our help.
A Woman’s Study
I have the honor of holding a bachelor’s degree in women’s studies. Men have scoffed at me on more than one occasion for that accomplishment. Some have openly rejected my intellectual capabilities. But I’m the only person I know who actually uses her degree — I support a lot of women to feel comfortable being alive. How’s that for a return on investment?
The best thing about my women’s studies degree is that it invited more curiosity about the subject. Since leaving university 20 years ago, I’ve done even more study of women.
I’ve learned about the ancient cults of the yogini in India who gathered in outdoor temples to worship statues of a goddess with a spread yoni where her head would be.
I’ve learned countless ancient stories — yes, I’ve actually lost track — about women who raise their skirts to bring each other back to life, punish cruel men, push back storms, and protect sailors going to sea.
I’ve seen for myself the kind of magic that appears when you stare into the cavernous folds between our legs. The diversity of how each of us wears our power is breathtaking.
I can’t imagine how this power has been kept under wraps for so long.
Step Up or Step Out
A man I admire — yes, there are many — told me that he was seeing this divine feminine rising too. After contemplating this shift for decades, his response was that it was time for men to step out of the way and let the women lead. His intentions were pure, but I don’t think his wife appreciated flying solo.
He was closer to the right move than most men I’ve met. Because I know men aren’t mind readers and we women need to stop expecting that, I’m going to tell you exactly what we want and how it’s been misunderstood.
What we want is the same as what men want — self-actualization. This is a big word that means that we want the freedom to know ourselves and act according to who we really are. And there will be a very broad range of action when it’s fully realized.
The feminine rising doesn’t mean we all want to be CEOs (but some of us might).
The feminine rising doesn’t mean that we all want to raise children (but some of us might, ideally within a village of sorts where our power truly shines).
What the feminine rising is asking for is more nuance in the prescriptions the patriarchy has given us.
Matriarchy Isn’t the Answer
My women’s studies degree taught me that matriarchy, meaning social structures where women have power over men, has never existed in our world’s history. That’s right — there’s no anthropological evidence of it nor a tome of ancient myths to support the notion that women ever reigned supreme.
There is a lot of evidence of systems of shared power that accepted a fluid sense of gender. The reason why you never learned about it is because our entire worldview has been shaped by patriarchal understandings of power. It’s only recently — using the lantern of awakening feminine power — that we’ve begun to rethink many old findings.
The ancient civilizations where social authority was shared looked at gender and power in a gradient. Different bodies had different strengths. Different stages of life required different levels of support. But there was a place for everyone to give and receive. Everyone.
But let’s not pretend we’re reverting to something old — we’re heading someplace entirely new with the full awareness of where we’ve been and what got us here.
The Illusion of Control
It’s hard to give up control, but a teaching that comes courtesy of the chaotic feminine is that none of us really have control; it’s an illusion brought to us by the imbalanced masculine. And it’s that imbalance — not the masculine itself — that we are pushing back against.
Sometimes it’s not what you want to hear. The feminine has been suppressed so long she can appear through us in ugly, imbalanced forms too. But the divine feminine does not want to cancel you. She does not want to burn you at the stake as your terrified ancestors did to us. What the divine feminine wants is justice.
Yes, justice sometimes can have teeth (call it the feared vagina dentata). And the teeth can be quite sharpened in the face of continuous disenfranchisement. The best way to protect yourself is to give Her no reason to defend Herself. Allow justice to kill away the cancerous parts so the whole can heal.
Then allow Her to soften into Her throne and listen to what She is saying.
Her demands may sound shrill but that’s only because She hasn’t heard Her voice in millennia. Allow me to interpret: It’s time for the masculine to awaken, too.
Men, your throne is waiting right next to Hers. Won’t you rise to take your place?
