There is a body signal that some adults send out when they meet my daughter. The only word to describe it is intimidation.
Yes, my daughter is five, and she intimidates grownups.
It’s not just my daughter. If you were to put these intimidated adults into any room with any kid they would have the same response. Overwhelm. Confusion. Every bit of confidence sucked from their bodies.
The odd thing is that these adults don’t generally lack confidence. Interestingly, the ones who are intimidated by my sweet daughter often wear a heavy sash of accomplishments across their breasts. But all their awards are meaningless in the face of a little girl who wants you to pretend that you’re a cat who can fly. Also you can shoot blue glitter from your tail.
Why Are Kids Intimidating?
Why are children so intimidating? For one thing, they’re honest. That’s a bitter taste if you’re not used to it. Children are brutal in naming what is. Adults, on the other hand, are incredibly skilled at dressing up the truth in all sorts of costumes. But if you remember the old tale, it’s a child who announces that the Emperor is naked.
The other reason that kids intimidate otherwise confident adults is because kids are messy. This mess goes beyond the dirt and food smeared on their sticky hands — everything about them is filthy. They trample upon our carefully agreed-upon rules of language. They deny both logic and gravity. And they don’t conform to any of our societal expectations because they are literally ignorant of them.
So what is a proper rule-following adult to do?
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Your Best Ass
When I was a teenager I was the best babysitter. Kids on my block adored me. I was called back for encore appearances because the kids had so much fun with me they didn’t mind that their parents were having fun somewhere else. I never knew then that I was doing something special. But being a mama, having seen many adolescents and adults fall on their faces when they try to interact with my daughter, I understand: I was not afraid to make an ass of myself. I still proudly lack that fear.
Most adults spend enormous amounts of money, time, and talent on avoiding making asses of ourselves. It’s a terrible investment. You will make an ass of yourself no matter what at some point. Far better to be in on the joke. Even better to be the one making the joke.
Kids love when we are asses. They love an adult (or a teen) who is willing to wear the costumes, go along with crazy schemes, get messy, and laugh out loud.
You know who else loves people who are unafraid of their best ass? Other adults.
Case in Point: Dolly Parton
When I am feeling afraid to look like the kind of ass I really am, I turn to one of my sheroes, Dolly Parton.
That’s right, Dolly Parton is the patron saint of playfulness. She is not afraid to look like an ass, and as a result, she looks like a genuine expression of herself. Armed with a sashay and a killer self-deprecating joke, she disarms every decorator before they’ve even had a chance to form a negative opinion of her. As we destroy each other in online comments, her fans sing along to, “Light of a Clear Blue Morning” on opposing sides of every social divide. She, and her absolute adoration of being her most ridiculous self, is one of the only bridges we have left. (If you want more on Dolly, I highly recommend the podcast series, Dolly Parton’s America.)
What Dolly shows us is that you can count on the fact that some people will find your choices ridiculous. You can either:
a) spend all your time trying to please them and make putty of yourself
OR
b) be your best self and make a good self-deprecating crack every so often to let the haters know you’re in on the joke.
I choose Dolly every time.
Journaling Prompts
Grab a journal and a pen (or a crayon) and spend some time exploring your inner child with these prompts.
- Who are your sheroes? Write an ode to a woman in your life who has inspired you in some way.
- Who or what intimidates you?
- If you were to play make-believe with no rules, limits, or consequences, what character would you be? What would you wear and how would you act?
