Why this modern day fairy tale keeps you from your true power in love.
Whenever I hear a client talk about wanting to find their soulmate, their twin flame, their divine union, the “one,” I know exactly the path our work will go.
Namely: expanding their understanding of love beyond the Disney version so they can truly live through the power that is available to them.
Before we get into what I share with my clients to replace this story and help them find their true power, let’s look at the history: Why do we believe in soulmates?
The concept of soulmates started with Plato – an idea that humans originally had two heads and four arms and legs. Zeus split us in half as punishment for our pride, leaving us searching for our other half. The tale said that when we find our soulmate, we will finally be complete.
But here’s the thing – Plato was known for teaching through allegory (like literally, he’s the guy who came up with the Allegory of the Cave. Plus it was actually Plato quoting Aristotle, but I digress).
So don’t take the idea of finding your soulmate as an actual thing – it’s a metaphor meant to teach us.
Even if soulmates as a literal concept aren’t real, it’s fascinating that we are still tied to the idea of finding fulfilling love, even at great risk of our tender hearts.
So what are we searching for?
Let me tell you what I’ve learned.
I’ve studied the nature of love with the poets, the mystics, and the whores. They’ve told me that love is life force energy.
And life force is God.
We’re fueled by this life force, yet we’re born forgetting that it exists.
The purpose of loving is to remember who we are – even if all we get is a tiny glimpse in the moment before we close our eyes for the kiss.
So here’s what the soulmate allegory points to: Finding your soulmate is finding yourself as one with the divine.
And yes, you can find your divinity in your beloved’s eyes or in sweat-soaked sheets. But it’s not that person who makes you complete.
It’s you – remembering who tf you are.
We’re taught to outsource all forms of our power, including our capacity to love. But the more we place the responsibility for our lives in another’s hands, the less we remember that our agency has been with us all along (remember what Glenda the Good Witch taught Dorothy?).
Your beloved is there to hold up a gorgeous mirror. Let them shine it your way, but see it for what it is – a reflection of you.
If you still want to believe in soulmates, let me rock this boat even more – if it’s possible to remember our divinity in one person’s embrace, then it’s possible to find it in more than one person (ask anyone who has been in love more than once).
In other words, we don’t need to limit ourselves to the myth of “the one.” And we don’t need to search for perfect.
Open yourself to having many “soulmate” connections throughout your lifetime. Friends – and even family – can also count on this list.
If you’re looking for someone to be your everything, you’re looking for disappointment.
Rather than spend your time searching for your missing half, let each point in your love journey remind you that what you seek is always with you.
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P.S. If you’re ready to break free of the myth of “the one” and reclaim your power in love, let’s talk about The Heartbreak Cure. This 90-day hybrid program gives you 1:1 support to overcome heartache without becoming hardened.
