I just finished a marathon afternoon of play with my four-year-old daughter, Leonie.
It sounds easy, but as any mama knows, play is hard work. The reason we parents are so exhausted at the end of the day is not just because we are doing the dishes and cooking and folding laundry and working, but also because we are navigating a rough passage through two worlds: one that is logical and lined with granite countertops, and another that is built entirely of pink cotton candy imagination.
The latter is the world that Leonie is fluent in. More so than my world, which insists I pay my bills and keep commitments. She is my greatest teacher, and I am hers.
Play With Me
I must admit that when I’m with my daughter, play is not the first thing that I want to do with her, at least not when I’m in my serious mindset. I would much rather she help me vacuum. Or unload the dishwasher. Or fold the laundry. Because that stuff is on my mind when she pulls out her little toys. But then I see them scattered on the floor and remember that each toy has a name and a story that we’ve given to them. Suddenly the pile of laundry is no longer my most pressing engagement.
Play is like exercise: we must commit to it to get results. And, just like exercise, even if we feel marvelous, look marvelous, and sing through the rest of our day after we play, we still enter the next round grudgingly. The answer — just like exercise — is to accept that play is the only way to make the challenge of having a body reasonable.
How to Play
If you don’t have a child around, the question of how to approach the work of play can be less obvious. Don’t have a child simply so that you can play (though it might be an addition to the “yes” column if you’re on the fence), but give birth to a playful attitude. I suggest you have a few things on hand to move you along: a box of crayons or other art materials, costumes, outrageous colors of lipstick, a flirtatious laugh, and a good hair flipping technique. Having just a few playful things nearby will remind you to let go of your serious attitude for a few minutes and dance with life in the silliest way you can manage.
To step into the world of playful make-believe is to be with life in another form than the misery we usually muster. Let’s be honest: Life hands us some very strange gifts. Rather than open the package and immediately complain that it’s not right for you, why not give a wink and ask, “Exactly what do you have in mind, my dear?”
To be clear: Being playful does not prevent us from receiving strange gifts, but it allows us to handle them with much more grace. A playful attitude to whatever we have going on gets us out from under the heavy, wet blanket that is far too familiar. Then, we can tie it around our necks like a cape and go racing down a hill at top speed until our scream falls apart into a belly aching laugh.
Play Responsibly
To be playful is not to shirk responsibilities. It is not about turning away from all the things that we have to take care of just so we can dance blindly as our fortune goes to auction. Actually, playfulness is about accepting the reality that is without demanding that someone else take care of the problem. If we break a glass, we have to sweep it up, so why not turn on some 90s Annie Lennox and have our way with it?
If, like most adults, you’ve been brainwashed into thinking that growing up means letting go of play, I’ve compiled a short list of ideas to get you in the mood:
- Daydream. Just kick up your feet and stare out a window with no goal.
- Ask why, what for, says who to everything with the genuine curiosity of a child.
- Dance in front of a mirror alone. Now do it naked.
- Paint your lips crimson every time you have to mask up.
- Fingerpaint, make something out of clay, or knead bread. Get your hands messy.
- Play dress up every single morning. Tune into that day’s expression of you and wear it.
- Team up with a kid (yours or someone else’s) and do whatever that little guru suggests. Don’t try to direct the show. Just do the silly voices and costume changes. Roll around in the dirt until you rip a hole in the knee of your favorite pants.
No matter what you do, remember that play has no goal. It has no purpose. There is nothing to show at the end of it and yet you are filled up to the top. That is its own reward. Go after it in a completely different way than you go after everything else in your adult life and you will begin to understand why kids are the way they are. And when you know that, you will know why life continues to generate. Despite all the tragedy, we still manage to laugh because the little ones have not yet forgotten how. May we learn from them. May we teach them.
Play with Paper: Journal Prompts
If you feel frozen by the mere idea of play, shake some of it off with these journal prompts to reframe the story of your playful attitude.
- How did your family define play when you were growing up? What was allowed/not allowed?
- Make a list of any activities that fill you with exuberance. Don’t worry if they aren’t possible, affordable, or attainable — just list them out. Then, outline for each one what value they reflect in your life. What themes exist here?
- Often adults who don’t allow themselves to play find the softening they need through alcohol and/or recreational drugs. How has your relationship with alcohol/drugs filled a need for play in your life?
