If there’s one common refrain I hear amongst women about sex, it’s her fear that she’s taking too long.
Too long to initiate. Too long to reach arousal. Too long to climax.
My response – too long according to what?
It’s true that women tend to have a different arc of turn on. For most women (definitely not all), it’s a slow, steady climb rather than a rocket launch.
But the only reason we see this as a problem is that our default comparison is lightning quick male arousal (I know, not all men, but most).
His is highly visible, eager. Hers is more cloaked at first. But rub her the right way and even the most farsighted lover will have a hard time ignoring how she shows off.
The only reason it’s wrong for women to take too long is if we align ourselves against models of life that value productivity over connection. Like the way that the crushing pace of global capitalism demands constant, ready effort, no matter what.
Do you really want to map your sexuality against that? Me either.
Here’s how to make this issue a nonissue – make your spacious arousal an act of revolutionary pleasure.
Use it as a way to rewire your nervous system to slow down. Use it to reconnect with your emotional body and learn to move only as fast as you can feel.
And as you give this gift to yourself, see it not just as a gift for you – but a gift for your partner. Because they are also recovering from the vicegrip of the Industrial Revolution. They also are living in a world that is increasingly outsourcing their intimacy to AI. They need this just as much as you.
Take up the space you need in honor of the generations of women who couldn’t risk opening their mouths.
Ask your lover to slow down to feel the power of hands and skin and lips as a reminder of what’s real.
Find space together to see another, and let yourself be seen. This is the kind of intimacy that heals the deepest wounds.
Of course, you can bypass all of this, grab the lube, and just endure one more go. Or you can choose to feel, connect, and enjoy the experience of reshaping your arousal.
Share this with a woman who is ready to bloom.
