My algorithm loves feeding me dating, sex, and relationship tips.
Some are gems, but let’s be honest: most of it is trash.
This is especially true if you’re a straight woman trying to actually honor your body while dating. All the noise makes it almost impossible to find what’s real and what’s not.
Here’s what most advice gets wrong (and what your body already knows).
Garbage Advice #1: Making him always wrong.
Most mainstream dating advice trains women to search for red flags, corner men with “gotchas,” and expect disappointment. This is not discernment, it’s hypervigilance.
Nobody’s perfect (including you, babe). And, look, we have to admit that men have been socialized for a world that doesn’t exist anymore. It’s messy. Change is slow. But some are trying.
The more time you spend scanning for danger, the more you’ll find yourself tight, guarded, and disconnected from your actual intuition.
Here’s what to do instead:
Recognize that most people you meet won’t be a fit to date long-term. That’s a blessing, because, really, who has the time?
So get clear on your non-negotiables, your yeses, your maybes – and let your body tell you when those values show up. Not a list.
And remember: every great trait comes with a shadow. Including yours.
Garbage Advice #2: If it’s not heading toward forever, it’s a waste of time.
The pressure to find “the one” has women treating every date like a high-stakes job interview. No wonder your nervous system is fried before you leave the talking stage.
Before you buy into the idea that every relationship needs to be leading toward a nuclear-family, monogamous-forever model, look around and you’ll find it isn’t working for most people.
Ask the divorce rates. Ask the long-term sexless couples. Ask any parent trying to raise a family with only one other adult. This model isn’t exactly a success.
Here’s what to do instead:
Give yourself permission to explore what you really want from each connection you make. Not to perform. Not to contort. Explore.
Your body knows when something is nourishing. Even if it’s not forever. Let what feels good teach you what you want.
Garbage Advice #3: “Be more in your feminine.”
Translation: be passive, be soft, don’t initiate, don’t want too much. If I never hear this again, it’ll be too soon.
Your feminine isn’t passive. She leads. She speaks. She desires. Let her.
When you force yourself into passivity, you start performing femininity instead of leading through it.
Here’s what to do instead:
Keep a private desire journal. Write down everything you want. Even if it’s petty, tender, erotic, ridiculous. Then practice asking for tiny things: a refund, help with the bags, a listening ear, an orgasm.
Yes, you can work on being more receptive. But don’t get it wrong – the magic is in asking and receiving.
How to make sense of all of this
You are the authority on what you want from love and sex. Not the coaches. Not the algorithm. Not even me.
Every piece of dating advice must pass one filter: How does this feel in my body?
If it tightens you, drains you, or pulls you out of yourself, it’s not yours. If it softens you, expands you, or makes you more you, follow it.
If you’re a woman ready for the blue pill when it comes to love and sex, reach out with “I’m ready” and I’ll share some of my best tools.
