How to be lonely in a world of 8 billion people.
Don’t text back.
Don’t text first.
Wonder why no one ever calls. Never call anyone.
Be too busy with work.
Have a roster.
Hold out for perfect.
Be open for everyone who comes along.
Fuck them on the first date and collapse into a pool of shame.
Never fuck them at all and collapse in a pool of regret.
Give them a second chance. And another.
Avoid looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re gorgeous.
Allow yourself to wonder if they ever actually liked you or were just tolerating you.
Call them out in a public forum, rather than finding closure through your own process.
Have the upper hand, and never give them a boost.
Cook a big pot of soup and eat one bowl while looking out the window at all your neighbors passing by. Freeze the rest and forget about it until next summer.
Don’t order dessert.
Work from home. Search for love on apps designed to keep you single. Rot in front of the screen of your choice every night. Refuse invitations because you’re too busy.
Believe that your perfect partner is out there and you’ll be ready for them as soon as you earn more money, lose 20 pounds, fix your trauma triggers, take walks every day, sleep with 10 more people, or run a marathon.
Never move on from the last one.
Never open to the first one.
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